Comfort zones are easy; that's why we stay in them so long. The "zone" always feels safe and, well, comfortable. As you all know, I’ve been silent for some time now. What you don’t know is that, for me, the silence has spoken volumes. Let me take you back.
Do you remember last summer when I vacationed in Key West and South Florida? I shared my favorite Key West resort, The Southern Most Beach Resort and Breakfast at the Breakers. I even extended my vacation by three days before flying home to Kansas. The beach called to me and I answered.
Throughout my six month journey, people changed. But more importantly, I changed. I witnessed events and behaviors that were toxic. I gained a whole new understanding of the term "frenemy". I stepped back. In doing so, I was able to see what was broken. I made no fan fair, fuss, or statement of my feelings; I quietly pulled away, even to the point of passing her in public without her awareness. On several occasions, she mentioned that she could see I was slipping in my sharpness for details. No, I just wasn't allowing her to see that I was as sharp as ever. I purposefully did not have any clear conversations regarding my position. After all, it was a moot point. I know, I know, not my style, right? I just didn't need... or want to work on mending it any longer. I was done. Without the poisonous relationship surrounding me, I started to grow. Unfortunately, the growth didn't come without grief.
In the blink of an eye, I sold my house, downsized by over 50% and ended my relationship of 11 years. I empty nested, and left alone. . . all. by. myself. I moved into a condo on the water in Palm Beach, Florida and into the unknown. Boy, when I do it... I do it big! I knew what I needed; I needed to let go of the things and thoughts that were getting in the way of me living an authentic life. Life's dot to dots don't always connect in a straight line, that's why they call it a journey.
Know this, the people we surround ourselves with will either raise or lower our standards. They either help us become the best version of ourselves or simply discourage us. We all need people in our lives to remind us of our essential purpose and to challenge us to be better. In Florida, I could count my acquaintenances on one hand but the one that mattered was a 26 year friendship; a sisterhood really. Today, that relationship has ended as well.
Throughout my six month journey, people changed. But more importantly, I changed. I witnessed events and behaviors that were toxic. I gained a whole new understanding of the term "frenemy". I stepped back. In doing so, I was able to see what was broken. I made no fan fair, fuss, or statement of my feelings; I quietly pulled away, even to the point of passing her in public without her awareness. On several occasions, she mentioned that she could see I was slipping in my sharpness for details. No, I just wasn't allowing her to see that I was as sharp as ever. I purposefully did not have any clear conversations regarding my position. After all, it was a moot point. I know, I know, not my style, right? I just didn't need... or want to work on mending it any longer. I was done. Without the poisonous relationship surrounding me, I started to grow. Unfortunately, the growth didn't come without grief.
Oh, how I have grieved the past year. I grieved for a friendship that would not, as always thought, last a lifetime. I grieved for the mother role that I had lost as a result of empty nesting and the move. I grieved for my relationship of eleven years, my love, my best friend. I grieved for the life I had built for myself and my family in Kansas. Every day I would put on my favorite play list and walk the beach and when that was done, I would float in the water for hours on end. Surrounded by strangers, I cried millions of tears into that ocean. I needed to be alone without really being alone. That was what my soul needed.
Where am I now you ask? Simply put, I am in a better place. It has been a journey, and will continue to be one, but I know I am where I am supposed to be and I know I am here for the right reasons. You see, while I was physically in Florida for those 6 months, I could never get my heart to make the same transition. So, I packed myself up again and moved back to the Midwest. I close on my new house in a few days and I am already in my second month at my new job. I stayed in healthcare, so that at least went smoothly! I have missed you and my blog but know that stepping away was necessary. Would I go back and do it differently? No. I truly believe that things happen for a reason but now I am ready to come back to you! The emails, texts, pm messages and comments I've received are appreciated more than you will ever know. I have always loved this little corner of my world and can't wait to take you back to Peridot Skies. xo
- October 30, 2017
- 0 Comments
